You don’t need to stretch.
That stuff is only for old ladies. Just go and run. If you do need a stretch you can fit it in on a lamp post while you wait for the lights.
Running means you can eat what you like.
If you are burning through kilometres you are burning through calories. Running is a great way to earn those beers and burgers.
The big shoe companies spend a fortune on new designs with all that chunky plastic and gel pockets. They must know what they are doing. Proper runners buy the flashiest shoes. Accessorise with some insoles and orthotics. Then you are ready to go for at least a couple of weeks between pairs.
Don’t waste time cross-training.
This is about running, right? You only need your legs for that. Building strength anywhere else is a waste of time.
Travel light on the trails.
Remember that time you saw that bloke with his dog? You don’t need a tonne of survival equipment to jog about in the bush. Anton Krupicka does it in his underpants. If the worst happens, you will probably be able to limp your way out anyway.
Don't let injuries slow you down.
With modern strapping and painkillers you can go right on running even if it feels like something is going to fall off. Pop some pills, bliss out and enjoy your run. Consistency is the key, so don’t take a day off no matter what.
Ultramarathons are the only events worth talking about.
There are loads of books saying anybody can do a trail ultra. Aim for 100km or more, otherwise it’s too easy.
Whatever you do, don’t hire a coach.
Hiring someone to tell you about all this when you know it all already is a complete waste of time, energy and money.
Note that this article was published on April 1. Hopefully it is obvious that this is written sarcastically.