The runners guide to lasting love (of running)
Article by Rachael Kingstone
Who loves running?
Who loves running because it provides benefits including but not limited to endorphins, friends, connection with nature, fitness, weight loss, weight maintenance, muscles, bragging rights, adventure, travel, ability to coordinate spitting and running, improved motivation to get up in the morning, a longer healthier life, ability to run away from baddies, medals, ability to climb stairs at work without puffing...?
This Valentine’s Day perhaps it the time to take a couple of minutes or a 1 hour 30 minute run in a park to consider your love of running. The purpose of the feast day of Saint Valentine is to celebrate love and affection. This love and affection will be applied to running, taking inspiration from the topical 14th of February Saint Valentine’s day however this article will remain off the topic of Saint Valentine, its history and also the commercialisation of the day (therefore this article will be interesting and not boring).
Article by Rachael Kingstone
Who loves running?
Who loves running because it provides benefits including but not limited to endorphins, friends, connection with nature, fitness, weight loss, weight maintenance, muscles, bragging rights, adventure, travel, ability to coordinate spitting and running, improved motivation to get up in the morning, a longer healthier life, ability to run away from baddies, medals, ability to climb stairs at work without puffing...?
This Valentine’s Day perhaps it the time to take a couple of minutes or a 1 hour 30 minute run in a park to consider your love of running. The purpose of the feast day of Saint Valentine is to celebrate love and affection. This love and affection will be applied to running, taking inspiration from the topical 14th of February Saint Valentine’s day however this article will remain off the topic of Saint Valentine, its history and also the commercialisation of the day (therefore this article will be interesting and not boring).
Celebration of our love to run is important because I often have experiences of the reverse (you probably do too). For instance, when I share with friends, family and newly introduced strangers at events the truth I can get some backlash. The truth is that I love running. The response I get from ‘non-running lovers’ is vocal, it is visceral and it is intense. Highlights include the non-running guy who with wide eyes suggested I was the one that was ‘craaazzzy’ and the non-running girl who broke her ankle wearing high heels suggesting that I was ‘SSSSTUuupid’ for breaking my ankle whilst running (I am well aware both of these suggestions could be debated further). Others who share my passion and love of running concur. The sport teachers replay stories of non-running kids using every excuse in the book to get out of running “I’ve got my period”, “forgot my shoes”, “got a cold” etc. The trail runners get shocked looks, teasing jibes and lots of questions from non-running walkers when running a Great ‘Walk’. So what can us running lovers do? This Valentine’s Day we can harness our love of running to the ultimate level. The level of doting new parents everywhere – unconditional love.
The three levels of relationships that will be discussed were cultivated by Tony Robbins, Cloe Madanes, Mark Peysha and Magali Peysha of “Robbins-Madanes Training”. It was initially applied to intimate relationships and today it will be applied to your relationship with running.
The levels of the running relationship:
Level One: This is the lowest level. The runner is focussed on meeting their own needs and will do whatever they can do meet these needs. The runner is manipulative. For instance, the runner will eat lots of junk food and then complain to friends that running isn’t giving them what they want (a win, a particular weight or body shape). The runner will enjoy running if they get their needs met for instance a perfect race with a foot massage at the finish line. They are not interested in the overall enjoyment of runners in the world, hell they probably haven’t considered their own joy instead they are focussed on their particular brand of results whether that is a shiny trophy, a good story to tell or a particular weight. Lashing out in anger is a popular strategy for the runner who is annoyed because they haven’t gotten what they want from running.
Level Two: The runner and running have an unwritten trade agreement in place – if you give me this, I’ll give you that. If the runner can run 6 days per week for 2 years without fail then and only then will they enjoy running. Silent treatment is often used as a bargaining chip. The runner may take a break from running and return only if running delivers the results. This level is commonly seen in the runners who enjoy summer running because it is light and you can have a swim after but get unhinged from that love during winter because its dark, cold and the only swim you get is the one in the puddle of mud. Consequently the silent treatment is utilised by the runner until a summer holiday or summer season rolls around again at which time the runner will start talking to running again.
Level Three: This is the highest level of relating to running. It leads to a long lasting relationship with running consisting of remarkable memories filled with joy, satisfaction and love! Unconditional love. This is the level where you give your all no matter what and you expect nothing in return. These are the runners who ‘run free in life’. The runners who seek to understand running better and communicates their feelings to running (the good and the bad). Clear communication (just like in marriage) leads to cooperation, trust and therefore love flows. Level three is demonstrated by those runners on the start line of a race who are so excited. They are soaking up the atmosphere, enjoying the moment and trusting he or she will have a fabulous race no matter what! These runners are still focussed and these runners still get results but this is a level of relating to running whereby if the runner is injured or having a less than ideal race, the pure joy of running is still there.
It is normal to look at those levels and recognise each of them in your experience of running. It is okay if you are at level one, two or three. It is perfectly fine to stay where you are. It is just that now that you know the differences, wouldn’t you like to find and cultivate the unconditional aspect of your love of running? Once you know your true love of running, you can to reinforce it on every run you go on, with every runner you see running, and with every spontaneous jog to catch up with friends walking to the beach or to chase that child (or pet). You can reinforce it by being present in the moment to what is happening around you and then later reflecting on visuals, sounds, feelings and the like to create a special montage of your enjoyment of running. In this way you can take the love of running with you forever.
Forever means all the time. Forever means the challenging times such as when you are ill or injured and unable to run at the level you want or at all. These are the times when you will be unlike the level one and two runners, at level three you will be able to harness and remember your unconditional love of running. Forever means you can be like the athletes coached by Arthur Lydiard, runners who seem to even at a frail old age when they are no longer running, their heart remembers the incredible joy and gift of running. I have enjoyed having numerous conversations with athletes of this great running generation who felt they were part of something big, something incredible and even when they aren’t out on the track or trails, their enthusiasm for the sport is immense. Similarly the potential mothers out there, when you are at the later stages of pregnancy and feeling very uncomfortable if you harness the unconditional love you have for running you will have faith in what has been and what will be in the future. You will not hold yourself ransom to returning your body to pre-pregnancy state, instead you will have the love of running to support you in your journey into motherhood and beyond. It’s a complete game changer. By rising above level one and two and going after level three you will find yourself more and more able to truly enjoy the sport you love (despite any challenges that may cross your path). Wouldn’t it be incredible to have another generation of runners who truly express the joy of running forever? Can you be that runner no matter what can harness your love of running? I know you can.
Therefore go forth safe in the knowledge that once you know the levels of relationship, you can apply the concept to running and then to any other relationship in your life from your romantic relationship to the relationship you have with your second favourite leisure activity to get to the highest level of relating – that is unconditional love, once you do that, then you will run free in life!
Article by Rachael Kingstone.
Rachael is a Life coach and NLP trainer at Inspiration Activated, she also works as a Physiotherapist at PhysioMoves Takanini where she has a particular interest in Cancer rehabilitation. She has been a competitive long distance runner and has a love for trail running. See her out on the trails, follow her at @inspirationactivated, check out more at Inspiration Activated or Physio Moves.
Check out Rachael's most recent article. Sh*t Happens.
The three levels of relationships that will be discussed were cultivated by Tony Robbins, Cloe Madanes, Mark Peysha and Magali Peysha of “Robbins-Madanes Training”. It was initially applied to intimate relationships and today it will be applied to your relationship with running.
The levels of the running relationship:
Level One: This is the lowest level. The runner is focussed on meeting their own needs and will do whatever they can do meet these needs. The runner is manipulative. For instance, the runner will eat lots of junk food and then complain to friends that running isn’t giving them what they want (a win, a particular weight or body shape). The runner will enjoy running if they get their needs met for instance a perfect race with a foot massage at the finish line. They are not interested in the overall enjoyment of runners in the world, hell they probably haven’t considered their own joy instead they are focussed on their particular brand of results whether that is a shiny trophy, a good story to tell or a particular weight. Lashing out in anger is a popular strategy for the runner who is annoyed because they haven’t gotten what they want from running.
Level Two: The runner and running have an unwritten trade agreement in place – if you give me this, I’ll give you that. If the runner can run 6 days per week for 2 years without fail then and only then will they enjoy running. Silent treatment is often used as a bargaining chip. The runner may take a break from running and return only if running delivers the results. This level is commonly seen in the runners who enjoy summer running because it is light and you can have a swim after but get unhinged from that love during winter because its dark, cold and the only swim you get is the one in the puddle of mud. Consequently the silent treatment is utilised by the runner until a summer holiday or summer season rolls around again at which time the runner will start talking to running again.
Level Three: This is the highest level of relating to running. It leads to a long lasting relationship with running consisting of remarkable memories filled with joy, satisfaction and love! Unconditional love. This is the level where you give your all no matter what and you expect nothing in return. These are the runners who ‘run free in life’. The runners who seek to understand running better and communicates their feelings to running (the good and the bad). Clear communication (just like in marriage) leads to cooperation, trust and therefore love flows. Level three is demonstrated by those runners on the start line of a race who are so excited. They are soaking up the atmosphere, enjoying the moment and trusting he or she will have a fabulous race no matter what! These runners are still focussed and these runners still get results but this is a level of relating to running whereby if the runner is injured or having a less than ideal race, the pure joy of running is still there.
It is normal to look at those levels and recognise each of them in your experience of running. It is okay if you are at level one, two or three. It is perfectly fine to stay where you are. It is just that now that you know the differences, wouldn’t you like to find and cultivate the unconditional aspect of your love of running? Once you know your true love of running, you can to reinforce it on every run you go on, with every runner you see running, and with every spontaneous jog to catch up with friends walking to the beach or to chase that child (or pet). You can reinforce it by being present in the moment to what is happening around you and then later reflecting on visuals, sounds, feelings and the like to create a special montage of your enjoyment of running. In this way you can take the love of running with you forever.
Forever means all the time. Forever means the challenging times such as when you are ill or injured and unable to run at the level you want or at all. These are the times when you will be unlike the level one and two runners, at level three you will be able to harness and remember your unconditional love of running. Forever means you can be like the athletes coached by Arthur Lydiard, runners who seem to even at a frail old age when they are no longer running, their heart remembers the incredible joy and gift of running. I have enjoyed having numerous conversations with athletes of this great running generation who felt they were part of something big, something incredible and even when they aren’t out on the track or trails, their enthusiasm for the sport is immense. Similarly the potential mothers out there, when you are at the later stages of pregnancy and feeling very uncomfortable if you harness the unconditional love you have for running you will have faith in what has been and what will be in the future. You will not hold yourself ransom to returning your body to pre-pregnancy state, instead you will have the love of running to support you in your journey into motherhood and beyond. It’s a complete game changer. By rising above level one and two and going after level three you will find yourself more and more able to truly enjoy the sport you love (despite any challenges that may cross your path). Wouldn’t it be incredible to have another generation of runners who truly express the joy of running forever? Can you be that runner no matter what can harness your love of running? I know you can.
Therefore go forth safe in the knowledge that once you know the levels of relationship, you can apply the concept to running and then to any other relationship in your life from your romantic relationship to the relationship you have with your second favourite leisure activity to get to the highest level of relating – that is unconditional love, once you do that, then you will run free in life!
Article by Rachael Kingstone.
Rachael is a Life coach and NLP trainer at Inspiration Activated, she also works as a Physiotherapist at PhysioMoves Takanini where she has a particular interest in Cancer rehabilitation. She has been a competitive long distance runner and has a love for trail running. See her out on the trails, follow her at @inspirationactivated, check out more at Inspiration Activated or Physio Moves.
Check out Rachael's most recent article. Sh*t Happens.
